There are things I knew I would face that are a struggle for people with type 1 diabetes and children. I had read countless blogs about scenarios that I knew would happen to me. I also hoped I would be able to handle each thing as it came with ease. I have come this far, right?
A couple of weeks ago, it completely caught me off guard. J was out of the house for the evening and I was trying to clean, get B ready for bed, and get all of my work things ready for the next morning. Feeling pretty great about myself and the status of my tasks I started to run B's bathwater.
Then I felt it. A low blood sugar that smacked me right in the face.
I put B in a safe place. A place he could not roll off of, hurt himself, and somewhere he would be satisfied for a while.
I was so dizzy. Dizzy. Naseous. Scared. Starting to see the world tip.
I grabbed my meter.
B started crying as the number appeared on the screen. His cry quickly went to a scream. I couldn't do anything. Anything!
I sat on the ottoman with a juice box in one hand and a kashi bar in the other. Tears of sadness streaming.
Mommy can't pick up right now, baby.
He wailed louder. I cried harder.
Mommy is low, baby. She is so sorry. She loves you so much, but she cannot pick you up right now.
Of course, my poor baby bear did not understand why he could see mommy and and mommy was not helping him.
As the world shifted back to normal and I held my dear baby close. I was so thankful. Thankful that I felt the blood sugar before I put him in the bathtub. So grateful we avoided something that could have been horrific.
That night, as I stood in the shower letting the day go, I cried again. I want to be the best mom I can be. I want to give B a normal life. A life without fingersticks, pump site changes, and low blood sugars. No seizures. No mommy cannot hold you. No hurt.
A normal life.
Sadly, this will be his normal, but that will be okay.
This time, I am okay.