Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Today it is raining. I happen to be someone who loves the sound of rain, the smell of rain, the peaceful nature of rain. It becomes a time for reflection. Something I need a lot more of lately.

I have a lot of upcoming changes in my life, some things I just need to do for myself and my family. This leaves the endless unknown right at my fingertips. I am still struggling. 

These new reflections also bring new revelations. Last night, while giving baby bear a bath, I lathered up the all-natural, organic baby soap. I rubbed it on his untarnished baby skin. The bath followed his meal of organic puree that I personally made for him. I got him ready for bed and rubbed chemical free lotion on him. I rocked him and put him to bed on his all natural sheets.

Where am I going with this?

Having a baby was something I knew I wanted. I took extra care the entire pregnancy and have since continued. Anything that goes on or in baby bear is the most pure form of what I can find. I don't want to do anything to harm my dear baby's body, or mind, or soul. He is the most precious thing in the world to me.

Thinking through this concept, shouldn't I feel the same way about my own body? Shouldn't I be more aware of what I am consuming? What products I am using? What damage I am doing to myself, to the environment?

Living with diabetes often presents a struggle with guilt. It is just MY body. My body. What does it matter if I don't check that extra time before bed? What does it matter if I forget to wear my CGM, forget to bolus, forget to eat? 

What does it matter?

Well, it is not necessarily that IT doesn't matter. What matters is the many people who want to me to grow old beside them. It matters to my husband, my parents, my siblings, my family. It matters that I should be able to dance at my little man's wedding. To see his children come into this world. To live a long and happy life. To do this, I need to be aware of my care. I need to make it more than something on my list. It needs to be a priority.

As the rain washes away the traces of yesterday, I have a new outlook on life. The past is the past and today is a new day. From now on, I matter. 


Amber said...

I can't imagine living with the extreme responsibility you have to deal with everyday, plus taking care of a baby! I would probably just have a daily breakdown in the shower. I will admit that I too need to start paying more attention to the products I use. We all eat pretty healthy and organic, but I don't ever pay half the attention to the lotion, body wash, make up I use, but I do spend hours researching every aspect of everything I put on my children.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Hmm, great post. Makes me think about what I do to my body, too. I'm betting that Diet Coke wouldn't fit on my baby's list, so why is it Ok to be on mine?

Nikki LeForce DeFalco said...

Amber - you get used to it! I just think about how much worse it could be. It could be so much worse. You are kind of awesome yourself taking care of three young kids!

Nikki LeForce DeFalco said...

Scott - I just stopped drinking diet coke and it was quite hard! It hasn't changed my life at all, but at least I know I am not consuming those extra chemicals. However, I still crave it.

Amy Ross said...

YES! You do matter! I'm so happy to read this post... If you're taking care of you, those who love you (especially your little guy) are going to benefit from it too. That took me years to recognize. I'm proud of you!