Thursday, May 26, 2011

Why?

Working at JDRF it is really easy for me to become overwhelmed with the sadness that can be type 1 diabetes. Now that there is a vast online community of people with diabetes we more often than not hear the horror stories. The elusive “it can happen” is no longer elusive. It happens…and it sucks. It isn’t fair. Kids die, teens die, adults who have been living for more than forty years with the disease, just don’t wake up. I am selfish. I want to believe that it is fixable. That if you do everything right, it won’t happen. But, it does. IT DOES. Yes, this is a pity party. Yes, this is me saying, I DON’T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t.

I shouldn't have to talk to a man who kissed his wife goodbye every morning before he left to make sure she was fine and two days ago, she was not fine. She didn’t wake up. He will remember that forever. I will remember that forever. I cannot stop thinking about what he said. She didn’t wake up. My husband should not have to say that one day. NO ONE SHOULD. No one.

I am upset. I am upset about diabetes myths, I am upset with the unfairness and randomness of it all. I am upset that my job brings me joy and makes me miserable at the same time. I am just upset.

It isn’t elusive. We can’t exercise and not have to take the drug that kills us…don’t you think we would if we could? Stop judging. Stop saying that if we are high we don’t take care of ourselves. Stop saying that if we were to eat healthier we wouldn’t have to take insulin. Stop judging. We are doing the best we can…

Pity party over. It could always be worse. Except if I don’t wake up tomorrow.

10 comments:

SarahinOK said...

We wholeheartedly agree. Diabetes sucks.
-Sarah and Andy

Kerri. said...

Poignant post, Nikki. So much of this resonates ... and that hurts. :(

Thinking of you.

Anna said...

Yes..it sucks..but I dare to believe that for these people there is a better world afterwards..where there's no pain and suffer.If we have faith just for living happily only this life then we surely misunderstood our earthly purpose..

p.s.My grandparents died of diabetes

DanielxOx said...

Taking needles everyday must be a pain in the ass!

donatebysurvey said...

Hi, if you have free time,could you please spend 30 seconds to Complete a survey in order to help a child.

Daisy said...

This post made tears swell up in my eyes. It's a horrid thought that diabetes could be the cause of why a person goes to sleep one day and never wakes up, but I know it's a reality.

I suppose all we can do is take care of ourselves to the best of our ability and live life to the full extent. Diabetes is unfair, but it should never take away our faith in whatever it is that keeps our chins from hitting the floor on a day-to-day basis.

Comfort and peace from me to you.

sasitha said...

Jullie, No one can get the complete enlightenment of our own life ever.Remember to thank God of life & the gooood things around you.

I Pray for peace in your mind

sasi

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Anonymous said...

I have been there twice and it is very scary. The part that scared me the most was that during the low (31) I didn't care if I became responsive or not. It was as though I was in a red fog and somehow it felt soothing, but I did respond to my husband telling me I had to drink the sugar water. He had looked up what to do on Internet.

The first time he called EMS and they gave me a drip, I was seizing. That was 5 years before and we thought it would never happen again!!HA!

Enjoy each day as though it will be your last, feel blessed that you wake up to another day to spend with your loved ones!

Megan said...

That made my eyes tear up, that poor man. That made me think how devastated my husband would be if that were me. It's horrifying and I hate it.