Friday, September 07, 2007

Diabetes Sucks

It is finally Friday. I am in the midst of finishing the last weekend of a fast-track graduate class. I haven't had a weekend in three weeks.

I am feeling a little down today. As I read Kerri's blog I started to feel even more down. We are different. Who thinks about disconnecting their pump during sex? Only us. And we think about this every time. Sometimes, it is just part of my routine, as I reach down to my stomach to disconnect, it seems as if it is no big deal, but as I slowly drop my pump off the side of the bed, the noise as it crashes down to the floor snaps me back into reality of this moment. I am different.

When I am tired at work, is it because I am high? Or is is because I just didn't sleep well last night. Diabetes is a constant. It has to be a part of every thought. Sometimes I just want to quit.

I have been in this slump for a while. I go to the Diabetes OC everyday to feel normal, but I am constantly surrounded by this disease. I see a four year old with their insulin pumps and it makes me sad. Sad that I know they will be 24 like me someday, with these same problems, yet they have no idea. I just want to escape.


Jillian said...


Thanks so much for the comment. I really love Marky Mark. I know exactly what you are talking about in this post, minus the whole sex thing. It's hard some days. This disease is always there, it is not just physical but mental. IT TRUELY DOES SUCK!

Have a better weekend!

Allison said...

Hi Nikki-

I read Kerri's post too and totally agree that diabetes sucks. I've been in a slump like that too, especially the feeling tired and being irritatable (am I low or am I just mad at you?)

Hope things get better :0) Allison

Chrissie in Belgium said...

I am sorry Nikki that you are down in the dumps! All that you said was true. Diabetes IS a total pain in the ass. But at least we now have a place where we can explode a bit to other diabetcs who understand. About all of it. It is so nice not having to explain everything. And then we just pick ourselves up and go one - look, what other choice do we have? Who says life is fair?
Come on, SMILE for me!

Scott K. Johnson said...

Hey Nik,

Yes it does. We should be very proud of ourselves for all that we accomplish in addition to dealing with diabetes.

Hard to feel good when feeling funktastic though...

Kerri. said...

I wrote and read Kerri's post :) and I agree that diabetes is a huge pain in the arse. I've had some recent diabetes burnout moments and they're not pretty. But I am thankful that I'm fortunate enough to have an insulin pump to disconnect and a partner who loves me, diabetes and all.

Doesn't cure the burnout, doesn't make us completely healthy, but it does help to be thankful for small graces.

Nikki said...

Thanks guys. :)

Amylia said...

Just found your blog and read this post and i just say that yeah, diabetes sucks, but it helps to have you and all the other D-bloggers out there to share the burden. I hope the slump has passed. I'm in a bit of a slump myself, but am glad I can share it with folks who understand. I'm rootin' for you!

AllisonK said...

Nikki- Thanks for you post, all of it is very true. We are different and I think even once there is a cure, we will still be different and diabetes will remain with us and I am ok with that. I am 24 also and on a Mini-Med pump that I love and can't believe it took me th Save ree years after diagnosis at 18 to switch over!!!

What a cool job to have with JDRF!!! I'm sure there are many rewards and struggles that go hand in hand with a group you are so dedicated to. I don't know when you got diagnosed, but do you think that diabetes has changed your career path? I wonder this quite often. I got diagnosed right before college and didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life. After struggling with diabetes I finally came to the realization that I could use my knowledge to help others and had a reason to be motivated each day. I now work for AgaMatrix, a company that has developed and extremely accurate meter system and I feel that I am making a difference each day. I love working in the diabetes world and would have never met some of the people I have without having diabetes.

Community Outreach
AgaMatrix, Inc

Nikki said...

Hi Allison!

Thanks for the comment! In the past few days I have been getting mean comments about JDRFand it is nice to hear this one.

I was diagnosed right after you, when I first started college. I was pre-law, but ended up changing my career choice because I was afraid my blood sugar couldn't handle the long hours and the stress of law school and the career after. Sometimes I think it is just a cop-out and I wish I had stuck with it, but other times when it is only 6:00 in the evening and I am so tired I remember it could be worse!

What did you want to do before you took this job? It seems like a good choice! I thought about working for Roche.

Thanks so much for your email, I hope we can chat frequently, it seems our lives are very similiar!

Have a good weekend!


Selina Wragg said...

Hiya, we both chose the same quote for our blogs! I enjoyed reading your posts and will add you to my favourite links. Feel free to do the same if you like my ramblings too, if not don't worry :-)

Have a great Christmas and I'll pop by again soon.

From another like mind quote picker :-)